shanah tovah

Yesterday was Rosh Hashanah, and we went to a Messianic Church that meets in Newton. In addition to the shofar, it was a pretty awesome time. Garrett gave a message that went straight to my heart, and hinted more and more toward solutions that I have been really searching out for a long time. I have had a longing for a heritage or some sort of ethnic roots to discover and claim. I feel often ashamed that I am just a mutt of Europe- an American. A white American. Garrett was speaking, in short (very short), of the connection between the nation of Israel and the Church. Israel is Chosen by God, but he questioned: for what? He believed it was for the goyim- for the nations OUTSIDE of Israel. They were given the law and 'access' (if you will) to God in order to bring it to all nations. He described the nation of Israel as this very specific, physical entity that has lasted through every hardship (the Holocaust, and others) as a testimony of God's promise and faithfulness. The nation of Israel must still exist today as a testimony for Christ- to show that Christ really is the messiah. If Israel was a deceased nation, (like the Hittites, for example) the Bible would seem much more irrelevant; God's promise would seem unfulfilled. So, as Israel is a physical nation, the Church as a formless (meaning non-physical) entity; it is the fulfillment of Jesus' command to go out into the world and baptize and to "teach them to obey everything that I have commanded you" (Mt. 28:20). Garrett pointed out that this was like a new Sinai- but instead of the law given to Moses to give to Israel; the new order of things was given to the disciples to share with the world. He mentioned a story about a man that he met in Israel who was riding his bike across the country. He came to Garrett and said he had to ask about Yeshua. He (the biker guy) said that in his travels he had seen so much anger in the country, so much tension between people; except for one community that he came upon: where Jewish and Arab children were playing together, and the families were living together. It was because they were believers in Christ. The Church crosses every boundary and barrier: ethnic, gender, socio-economic, language, political, EVERYTHING. And it occurred to me: I am a Christian. That is my history, and my heritage. I am a part of a multi-cultural nation, having a connection of heart with millions of people. I had never thought of it in that way before.

Thus, my revelation.

so, happy new year.
perhaps, I will begin to feel differently now.



You're a door-without-a-key, a field-without-a-fence
You made a holy fool of me, and I've thanked you ever since
If she comes circling back, we'll end where we'd begun
Like two pennies on the train track the train crushed into one

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on another note: http://www.delish.com/food/food-articles/largest-cupcake-duff-guinness?GT1=32003#
sorry, but that's the best he could do? ugly cupcake.

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you

I heard a really quite good acoustic version of Wonderwall the other day on the radio. I just like that song, whatever.

I have:
- been eating squash of every form since Saturday for almost every meal (free from the farm = good eats for me) and will continue to do so for most of this week.
- started playing guitar again
- a bruise on the side of my thigh and have no idea where from.

I am:
- having tea with myself (though I find I always make the thing only to leave it somewhere and forget about it, find it after it is cold, heat it up in the micro, and start the process over again. I drink very old tea.)
- studying Hebrew vocabulary. halomot (badly transliterated): dreams. which reminds me. I have been having bizarre dreams lately (when I DO sleep, oddity of my life right now) They involve real-life events/people and situations, so I am having a real hard time distinguishing what has really happened.
- thinking about how much my arms and elbows hurt in this contorted position that I am in. Lying on my stomach on my bed propped up typing on my elbows. kind of aching.


Just as water reflects the face, so one human heart reflects another.
Pr 27:19

Fall? I like Autumn better

When I am broken, it is then that I am in the presence of the Healer. To live in this simplicity every day is my greatest endeavor. I do not want to withhold anything for myself, for it is not mine. My love is not my own, therefore I CANNOT BE AFRAID of being broken.

But I am.

These days are lonely days, though I do see you all. I am staring weather in the face; it’s been raining for two days and my mood is not having it.

But I am coming to realize things, SO SLOWLY. But the message at church this morning was very poignant. Jacobs ladder. Okay, I have to admit I have, until this morning, always envisioned Jacob’s ladder to be this staircase that angels were walk-dancing up and down, doing a Jerry Lewis to some big band jazzy tune. Praising God through the dance, man.

But this morning the guy pointed out that this place was a portal of heaven- where angels were ascending and descending to do the bidding of the LORD; the base being on the earth, and the top at the throne of God. Jacob recognized this, and was fearful. With other good things this guys went on to show Jesus as this portal- when Jesus is talking to Nathanial in the book of John and says “you will see angels ascending and descending on the son of man”- making himself the base of this ladder; as well as the portal. On the cross Jesus was hanging in the space between heaven and the earth, and the curtain tore in the temple upon his passing. This then passes the ladder-ship unto us, my friends. All those who have been seized by Jesus’ search and rescue, those who commit to emulating him in every way possible- are made to be like him. And that makes us his kingdom and his body continuing on this earth. Then this guy ends with a short description of Christianity: Had an encounter. Be an encounter.

I want that.

I missed the nineteenth this year. I never do that.

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Yet I have a hard time remembering all the things I should remember
And a hard time forgetting all the things that I was supposed to forget.
And, Christ, when You're ready to come back,
Then I think I'm ready for You to come back;
But if You want to stay wherever exactly it is You are,
That's okay, too...it's really none of my business.

And if I didn't have You as my guide, I'd still wander lost in Sinai
Or down by the tracks watching trains go by
To remind me: there are places that aren't here.