I need to get a grip.

As in, stop dwelling in the sadnesses of now, and realize the big world of beauty out there.
I just need to find them, right? The beauties.

It's hard though, with the world just going to shit.

But in the middle of feeling inadequate and inconsequential and awkward, good things happen.
Two pieces of great great news came to me today. I cried from happiness. Well, it's mostly just overflowing emotion that has no other way of coming out. This happens to me quite often.
I worked in the theater, got some things accomplished.
Had a delightfully unexpected conversation with someone new.

I want to go and move and be free, but I'm running in a circle. Being somewhere else will not fix all of my problems like I foresee it to. I find myself reading and searching grad schools in New York a lot recently with the "if only I was graduated" gremlin. He/She gremlin has been hanging out in my life often as of late. We don't get along much.

but I need to accept where I am and who I am now. Finish my editing, work on my research, read, dedicate myself to people.

I can't tell if I've lost my interest in reading. I just don't feel like doing it right now. Right now meaning: ever, recently. I don't know. I'm in a doing phase of life. Reaction to Oregon? Perhaps.